Wedding Day Advice | Speeches

Your time to shine
Delivering the perfect wedding speech

So you’ve been asked to speak at a wedding, and are no doubt terrified or, at the least, apprehensive. That’s understandable, and its okay! There are very few people in this world who get excited at the thought of public speaking; even seasoned thespians and screen actors fall victim to stage fright, so you are not alone.

But the plain truth is this: you cant get out of it. Frankly, its an honour and compliment to have been asked, and you should feel flattered. And, having accepted, it is your duty to the couple to make sure that you do your bit to enhance their wedding reception. So your best course of action is to shake off those nerves, read through our guide, get prepared and just do it. Once its done, you’ll wonder why you were ever worried.

This guide covers:

• the order of wedding speeches
• the wedding toast (what it is, when it is proposed as well as for and by whom)
• the approach to your wedding speech
• general etiquette, do’s and dont’s of wedding speeches

Photo courtesy of Noah Hawthorne

Stand in line
The order of wedding speeches

Traditionally speaking, there are three speeches given at a wedding: father of the bride, followed by the groom and, finally, the best man.

Modern weddings, however, often feature speeches by the bride, the maid of honour and sometimes by the mother or a special friend or relative of either the bride or groom. In this case, the speeches could be in any order, but would probably go as follows:

1. Father of the bride
2. Groom
3. Bride
4. Best man
5. Any additional speakers

Each speaker is there for a specific purpose, and the content of each speech is generally slightly different in tone. See our separate articles tailor-made for each speaker for tips on your specific speech.

For they are jolly good fellows
Who gets toasted, and by whom

Toasts are essentially a vote of thanks or a dedication to a specific person or group of people. Typically brief, they are usually proposed at the end of a speech. Sometimes, the emcee (also known as the master of ceremonies or MC) will propose the various toasts in-between speeches.

Wedding toasts are always proposed in honour of:

• the newly married couple
• the bridesmaids

And sometimes in honour of:

• the groom
• the bride
• the parents of the bride and groom
• the maid of honour

The order and details of the toasts are usually as follows:

• the father of the bride toasts the bride and groom
• the groom toasts the bridesmaids (and sometimes the maid of honour)
• the best man toasts the bride and groom (and/or the parents of the bride and groom)
• the bride toasts the groom
• the maid of honour toasts the bride

Speak up
When its time to talk

Speaking at a wedding isnt rocket science, and, if youve prepared well, neednt be too nerve-wracking either.

An important thing to remember is that this is not all about you (sorry)! It should be a relief to know that you are not there to bask in the spotlight, but merely to convey your best wishes (and an anecdote or two) to the happy couple. You wont be scored after your performance, either!

We recommend that, within a few weeks of being given the honour, you sit down with the bride and groom and have a friendly chat about their expectations.

Ask the following questions:

• Is there anything that they would like you to include or avoid?
• Is their wedding going to be traditional or quirky?
• Would they like a reserved or humorous approach?
• Are there going to be any children or especially sensitive guests in the audience?
• How many other speakers are there going to be and who are they?

If they are open to the idea, confer with the other speakers, well ahead of time. This way, you can ensure that there is no duplication of anecdotes, poems, quotations or other content.

Good idea/bad idea
A little guidance goes a long way

Some of these pointers may seem obvious, but your job will be made much easier if you have a clear checklist to consult. So avoid certain embarrassment by incorporating our Dos and banning our Donts:

I do
What to remember

When preparing for and writing your speech:

• Start early (as soon as possible after youve been asked)
• Remember that you are conveying the sentiments of all the guests who will be in attendance
• Make it heartfelt and sincere yet light-hearted
• Keep it short (around 5 minutes is a good guideline)
• Everyone loves well-timed and appropriate humour, so incorporate a tasteful joke or two
• Amusing or heartwarming anecdotes about the couple are always fun to listen to

When delivering your speech:

• Relax
• Be friendly and warm, maintaining eye contact with a few friendly faces
• Stay 100% sober until your speech is over so as to stay in control when it counts most
• Stand up straight, with shaky hands resting on the podium
• Speak loudly and clearly, without shouting
• Stick to your prepared speech so as to keep it brief
• Give guests time to fill their glasses before you conclude with the toast

I dont!
What to avoid

When preparing for and writing your speech:

• Smutty jokes
• Offensive comments pertaining to religion or politics
• Reference to former relationships or partners
• Clichd statements, poems or quotations
• Character assassinations of anybody at all

When delivering your speech:

• Becoming intoxicated before your turn to speak
• Grandstanding or coming across as obnoxious or conceited
• Waffling on for too long
• Becoming overly emotional (especially if the speeches are being recorded!)

Now that you know the basics, surf along to our specific how-to articles for your specific speech.

Good luck youre going to be great!